The Wasteland

Since I wasn’t sure what I would type in this intro box, the Universe delivered with a fun story: I stabbed myself in the hand more moments ago. I decided to eat an avocado after dinner (yup, this is where it’s going) and stabbed myself right in the palm. The knife slipped off the seed and stabbed right through the avocado flesh right into my own. I’m no stranger to food-related injury, as I’ve sliced open my palm with a butter knife while spreading spread (I forgot what) on my toast. But as I went to the bathroom to check it out, I started feeling hot, dizzy, and nauseous. Vision blurry, I was about to keep over. I’ve never felt this way before and it really scared me! The wound must be severe, I thought. When I looked at it, it seemed deep, but not deep enough for me to go to the hospital (I don’t have time for decent health insurance!). Of course, being stupid, I decided to Google “I stabbed my hand” and the first thing that popped up was an article about avocado-related stabs. Eerie as fuck! But also hilarious. I felt woozy for a bit after and here I sit, unable to do anything. I’ve taken my hands for granted! And this is a good reminder not to take these small things for granted. Anyway, just know that I don’t want to go to the hospital and I’m hoping that this problem will go away on its own and if it doesn’t, it was nice knowing some/most of you.

Adaptability

  • I’ve been a slow Spark Joy-er because I’ve just kept all my things in boxes nearby without actually getting rid of them. Mostly, it’s because I’m seeing if anyone wants any of it before I donate it to strangers. I guess I do have difficulty getting rid of things until someone does it for me.
  • After I got the car, I finally cleaned out my Mazda and am officially getting rid of (most of) my toys from my childhood. I’ve been desperately hanging onto these 2 boxes of action figures and 1 box of Lego since forever. It’s been my lifelong collection of toys, after all. But I found it easy to finally let them go to someone else who can hopefully enjoy them (very Toy Story 3-esque). I wasn’t really using them. That being said, I’ve kept a small portion of the toys in a single, small box because they sparked joy when I looked at them.
  • I now have two medium boxes of items that I would like to display on the bookshelf that my dad is building. They are the last physical items of pop culture indulgence I will ever buy, hopefully.
  • This car has given me such an appreciation and zest for driving, it’s like I have no cares in the world. This has translated into my everyday life as well, surprisingly. It may be the weather and it may be me working out again, but I think this car has given me a peace of mind that I couldn’t get with an old ICE vehicle.

Balance

  • I’ve officially started my home gym. After my gym pass expired, I moved to calisthenics, but I was having difficulty finding motivation. I didn’t want to go back to the gym, so I looked into starting a home gym. I of course want to keep it minimalist. Unfortunately, it was difficult to really find sustainable and ethical brands because it’s very niche. I really wanted to have easy access to working out and I decided it was a worthwhile investment (this was right before I got my Tesla, so…). It’s been great though. It’s not complete yet, so I can’t do all the exercises I want yet, but it’s been nice to just do a quick workout and immediately shift to something else I can do, like eat or shower right away. I’m feeling a lot better in terms of energy and mood, too. Abstaining from working out really dampened me in myriad ways, in hindsight. And it must be why I’ve been getting sick so much (I had lingering sickness from last time that evolved into something else)!
  • That being said, my routine has been wildly out of whack. All month, I had been so focused on the car, that I would stay up late and refresh pages, do endless research, and read all the conspiracies. I was having difficulty just sticking to my schedule and being present. I’ve been lazy with meals. My sleep was non-existent. I threw my carefully scheduled schedule out the window on many occasions.
  • Now I can’t work out because I stabbed myself, ugh.
  • While getting a Tesla is a eco-friendly dream, I admit purchasing accessories wasn’t the best. I used Amazon and produced a lot of waste. Luckily, my car wash solution is little to no water, so there’s that.

Connection

  • I’m really honored to announce that Amadeo asked me to his best man! I wasn’t sure exactly what that entailed, but me being me, I’m doing deep dives into research about what I need to do. I’m also really excited because Amadeo and Cat are getting married in Disney World, so it’s going to be my only vacation for the year and possibly next several years (see: I just bought a Tesla). It’s a rare opportunity to go on a long vacation with friends because everyone has different life priorities, but this is one occasion that surely brings everyone together.
  • I would like to uphold my promise to be designated driver in as many instances as possible. While my dream is to have everyone own an electric vehicle, for now, I will gladly drive people that need to be driven. This does mean I’ll be drinking less, but maybe that’s for the better (see: the last time I was in K-Town). I remember back when I first got my Mazda, I was keen to drive everywhere because (1) I really enjoyed driving and no one else was and (2) I didn’t worry about money or the environment. Now, I can be that person again!
  • It’s been another month of low social media use (if I get a notification, I will check and then browse a little), and it’s still freeing to me. I don’t feel a toxic need to post and like and comment and compare. While I do agree social media is great to keep up with friends’ lives, it can also very quickly lead down a rabbithole and before you know it, it’s just not healthy. For perhaps the first time, I feel free of the shackles of social media. I don’t need to mindless scroll through it when there’s seemingly nothing else to do. It’s nice for me.

Development

  • I’ve been in a really odd headspace thinking about the concept of time and how I am using it presently. It’s sometimes hard to reconcile ambition with simplicity, but I think they don’t necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. I’d like to think my greatest ambition is, in fact, simplicity itself. I want to make the most of my time being present and doing things that feed my soul. Getting caught up in the minutiae of life, it can be hard to really hone in on that feeling, but it’s nice to remind oneself as much as possible, or at least, be aware of it.

Experience

  • This month, I found some nostalgia. Looking at my old toys. Doing a replay of The Last of Us. Borrowing Amadeo’s 3DS and playing through Gen VI and VII of Pokemon. Binge-watching The Twilight Zone on Netflix. It seemed to be a recurring theme of this month and I’m not exactly sure why.
  • As if I haven’t spoken about this enough in this post, I can cross off getting a zero emissions vehicle off my list. Never did I think it’d be this soon and never did I think it’d be my dream car.

Freedom

  • I’ve also been in a weird headspace with finances and what I really want out of money. Think about your end goal here. I think financial stability is important to allow me to pursue what I want in my life. Stability being the crux, not excess.
  • In adulting news, I’ve been trying to sell my Mazda and I received two scams right off the bat and now I’m terrified to interact with humans because they are just the worst.
  • In other adulting news, I clogged the toilet for the first time in forever and decided not to try and unclog it and just kept flushing it intermittently throughout the day and voila, it unclogged itself. And I think this is not great, because it just enables this idea that problems will solve themselves without much effort from me and that’s why I’m leaving this hand wound alone and may come to regret it, but we’ll see because that’s the fun in real life!

Signal Boost

If Beale Street Could Talk. A movie set in the 70s about a black couple who deal with a pregnancy and a wrongful conviction. Its themes ring true today, even though it’s set in the past. It’s like The Hate U Give, except quieter. A beautiful love story, broken only by the tragic reality of the situation presented.

Mary Poppins Returns. A movie about a mysterious woman who comes to your house to help you clean the fuck up and get your shit together. So Marie Kondo, but for London. Such a mysterious woman! It doesn’t help that Emily Blunt is brilliant. The songs were great and it’s a nice piece of nostalgia (with hybrid animation!), but the story was blah.

Vice. A movie about Dick Cheney and how evil he is. And it’s scary to think about all of this going on in my lifetime, during my childhood, and I just wasn’t aware. I just didn’t care enough to try and comprehend how much this affected all our lives to this day. The make-up and impressions were brilliant. I editing was at times annoying, but at times, also great. I liked that Christian Bale won an award and thanked Satan in his speech.

The Umbrella Academy (season 1). A Netflix original show about some emotionally stunted children with superpowers. Okay, so I watched it so I could cosplay the Asian dude, but it turned out to be a rather intriguing premise. The writing was iffy and the character decisions were eye-rollingly CW-ish, aka really frustratingly dramatic for the sake of drama. Still, I found the characters endearing and the fun parts were fun and campy.

Slade House by David Mitchell. A book about a duo of immortal siblings and what the things they do to stay immortal. It’s dark, creepy, and fun. Cloud Atlas is one of my favorite books, so I will read anything by Mitchell. I liked that this one was short, though perhaps the ending was too abrupt for me (and perhaps he’ll continue the story in another novel, as many of his novels are connected by threads of some sort). I listened to it on audiobook and found myself so engrossed in the story and got many shivers listening while driving home in the dark.

Wasteland, Baby! by Hozier. Something about Hozier is just so melancholy, yet soothing and subtle. It makes my heart churn and ache, feel full and beat heavy. This album captures this same feeling. While less intense than “Take Me to Church”, there’s nonetheless a strong magnetism to each song on this album that brings me back.

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~ by Btab on 2 April 2019.

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