The Unknown 2k19

Well, last year really just crept past me. With 2k17 such a major year for me, I think 2k18 was filled with more good things, but psychologically, it didn’t feel major because everything moved to a new- higher- set point. For the first time in years, I’m not sure what I want for 2k19. But I want to embrace the spontaneity and the unknown.

I haven’t worked too much in the fourteen days since I turned 27. Alas, I’ve been vegetating for most of it. Watching some favorite movies, updating lists, just checking in on where I am with everything and how I’m feeling. So there has been some good self-reflection- and I didn’t have to resort to the usual hermitude around this time of year, which is interesting in and of itself. I tried not going out too much toward the end of the year because I was overbudget for food and gas in December.

I also had another D&D night, celebrated Christmas then celebrated Friendsmas consecutively, and then woke up early to go snowboarding at Big Bear to remind myself that I am still young and active sometimes. Akshar, Alan, and I swapped boards and made some interesting discoveries about the subtle and not-so-subtle differences. In lieu of going out for NYE (is this becoming tradition?), I invited some friends over to celebrate so I can stay in the comfort of my own home.

My goal for 2k18 was to care more and/or show that I cared more. To an extent, I accomplished this goal, but there’s still a lot of barriers that I need to break down. It surely is exhausting!

– I had a lot of moments throughout the year (as evidenced from looking back on these posts) where I wanted to get away from it all. At times, it was overwhelming to pour your heart and soul out, but it seems like the world is not listening.

– Throughout, there were such moments of stress and anxiety where I would shut down, not on purpose and not mindfully. So I need to remind myself to find the balance and listen to my body and mind when it gets to be too much.

– Ironically, I’ve started to not care in the sense that I started to do new things and push past my comfort zone when trying these new things because I let go of this sense that I had to be worried about how others perceived me. In doing so, perhaps this is caring more for my spirit, rather than my ego.

– I still need to express and articulate myself better.

– I tried to make more plans and I tried not to flake and I tried to show up and be reliable when I could. It’s in the little moments and actions that one finds oneself.

2k18 highlights

  • MoviePass, while it lasted, allowed for a lot of movies, saving money, and time with myself- all things that I love
  • Persie moving back with me, where she can get sunshine and tons of cuddles; at times when I feel overwhelmed, she’s there to give me snuggles
  • New Zealand and Australia trip, my dream trip come true
  • Moving out of South OC and dealing with the ups and downs, the old and the new, smart technology
  • Drinking again and rekindling my love affair with sake bombs
  • Moving towards a more plant-based diet and starting my vegan recipe book
  • Crazy Rich Asians came out in theater
  • Finding sustainable clothing brands and subsequently going on a shopping spree and, at the same time, minimizing my wardrobe
  • Starting a Pathfinder campaign (with strangers!)
  • Discovering audiobooks while in traffic, a lifesaver


~ by Btab on 1 January 2019.

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