The Dark

Health Log

– Lately, I’ve been thinking about my nutritional needs. I think I’ve been losing weight and not eating enough, though I’m loathe to start calorie counting or macro-managing again. I want to eat more during the day, but I find myself lacking foods and also feeling so pressed for time. Then, before I know it, the day is over and I’ve barely eaten anything. Time to figure out how I can incorporate a second lunch into my day. Also, in a similar vein, I’m probably dehydrated all the time now.

– I’ve been distancing myself from social media, which has been pleasant. Every now and then, I have to become aware of how much time I spend on it and then I wean myself off. Inevitably, the cycle continues, but it’s good to know when it happens.

Independence Log

– I renewed my healthcare insurance with Oscar as I enjoyed my first year with them. That is to say I avoided my yearly physical and had no health issues to speak of, so I didn’t go to the doctor’s all year, so can’t complain. A relatively painless process of renewing (compared to the hassle last year), and my monthly premium is cheaper this year!

– I finally opened up a Roth IRA on Vanguard. Spoiler alert: I’m still confused, but I at least have some money in there for the future, no matter how hazy it may be.

– Since we last spoke, I’ve dove head first into vehicle shopping, narrowing down my list to a few options. Sadly, so many cars are unavailable or too expensive right now. I’m on waitlists and am patiently waiting for what’s next on the horizon. My decision is to lease a BEV or FCEV, the idea being that I’d like to convert completely to sustainable energy and I’m hoping in a few years, we’ll be much better off with electric cars, so I can buy a good one for cheap. In this research, I’ve learned so much about cars and California and the current state of zero emission vehicles, in general. We have a long way to go, but it’s exciting to notice more and more EVs on the road. I start to get into my own detrimental headspace of “this company isn’t perfect so I can’t support them”, but in terms of cars, this applies to all companies (except Tesla, but I cannot afford) because at the end of the day, it’s all about money. Clearly, I’m so jaded.

Connection Log

– Classic Crew went to Kern River, which I haven’t been to for several years. It was cold, windy, and rainy, but pleasant overall. Unfortunately, I convinced 0/8 people to try and be more eco-friendly, which is depressing. Luckily, I packed my own vegan food, brought my own utensils and bento box, and discarded practically zero waste! Where there’s a will, there’s a way! It’s actually easier than it seems, but it’s really disheartening when people don’t listen to you and brush you off.

– Sometimes, I think when my values change, I ought to find relationships that align with my values. But it can be difficult to give up people who mean so much to you and know you so well. I’m still trying to cope with being around people who don’t share my environmental passion, but it’s been a real damper. Like anytime I hang out with people, at times, I have difficulty having fun without worrying about these little things. It sucks and I’m still not sure exactly what to do about it. Writing it now helps with catharsis and I hope, in time, I’ll find a way to be better about this (and/or my friends will one day appreciate all my help and/or I’ll find new people).

– I’ve slowly begun to realize that I just don’t have time to tip toe around these issues anymore. The world can’t wait for me to put up with it. I need to speak up for myself, something I’ve always had difficulty with. Go With The Flow Brian can be a much more appealing and easier prospect, but he’s not always the person I need to be.

– Destiny Pizza takes LACC, which you can read about here. Sometimes, I just need to stop worrying about everything for one weekend and just chill.

Experience Log

– Fall has been rough. I feel like I’m on edge all the time. Like I actively need to check myself from getting overly annoyed at everything. I’ve been quick to anger, quick to panic mode. Like I haven’t had a full week where something hasn’t gone wrong. Like there’s so much to do, but I don’t have the motivation to do any of it. I just feel in that robotic mode of existing, but not living.

– Persie got sick seemingly randomly and I cannot cope. Without going into details, I’ve never seen a dog behave in such a way before. It’s so heartbreaking and frustrating to have your pet go through something that you can’t help them through because you can’t communicate with them clearly. I think she’s okay now, but it was a wild two weeks.

– We moved offices at work and that has been more stressful than necessary. I find myself getting tired from work, coming home late, when it’s dark, and not having much time before I need to sleep for the next day. On the upside, feng shui can be stressful, but at the same time, stress-relieving. Sometimes, you just gotta change things up and clean things out to get a fresh perspective.

– I’ve often felt on the precipice of sickness this entire month. Like I’m going to cough up my entire insides one moment and then I’m good to go the next. A bit frustrating.

Signal Boost

– Sorry to Bother You. A movie about a telemarketer who becomes a power caller and then everything descends into madness and chaos. I’m so glad I was not spoiled because what a rollercoaster! Ridiculous, absurd, brilliant. And the most important takeaway for me: I’m done saying “sorry to bother you” because I want to live my life and not be restrained by worrying about making people feel uncomfortable.
– BlacKkKlansman. A movie about a black undercover cop investigating the Klan. Is it sad that this movie is so poignant? Such a great piece showcasing white and black America. Though heavy and serious, there was also perfectly timed lighthearted moments.
Won’t You Be My Neighbor? A documentary about Fred Rogers. While I watched, I furiously Google searched “is Mr. Rogers problematic”. Luckily, I didn’t find anything of substance, so I’d like to think there is one white man that I looked up to that is still a good person. Thus, I enjoyed the trip down nostalgia lane and got a look into Mr. Rogers as a person (spoiler: he’s the same wonderful man).
– Castlevania (season 2). An animated show about Dracula waging war on humanity because his wife was murdered and the team that sets out to stop him. Season 1 was great, and this season was even better. Sure, the human animation is sometimes wonky, but the environment and the fight scenes were beautiful. I love the tone. The portrayal of Dracula was brilliant. I always side with the Big Bad that wants to exterminate humanity (peace, bitches!). The protagonist trio are adorable. In fact, all the character development was great, even with the new characters. Makes me want to play a Castlevania game asap. It still felt a little rushed, even with 8 episodes, but I can’t wait for more!
– Daredevil (season 3). A show about a blind dude who can actually see fighting a bald dude that looks like a bowling ball but is named after a pin. Not sure what’s going on with Netflix MCU, but as a standalone, a decent season. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen at the end, but I enjoyed the ride. Really interesting going back to the initial costume. Really liked the Karen episode. Seeing how this is season 3, according to my personal theory, it’s going downhill from here.
– Big Mouth (season 2). A show about puberty and the nasty minds of children. This show is hilarious and season 2 is even more ridiculous than the first. It tackles real world political issues and modern children. We got to explore more of the lore of the Hormone Monster and other monsters. It’s silly, but also very intelligent.
– Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. A game about a man who goes around hunting monsters, but this time, he has to find and save his “daughter” from some evil people, so essentially, it’s a game about being a good father…or trying and potentially failing to be. Brilliant game, another great rec from Amadeo. It was a bit dated, sure, but it held up nicely. At first, it wasn’t as fun, but once I got used to the mechanics and started becoming more powerful, it was definitely fun. A lot of annoying things like the horse, finding travel signs, moving through the menu, finding things on the map. But I tend to forgive everything if a game has a great story! I love games with lots of options. Sadly, I got the “bad” ending and then found out there were different endings so…yeah.

~ by Btab on 31 October 2018.

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