The List 2k17

Every time I get anxious and angsty about life, feeling that ennui, that existential crisis creeping ever nearer, that nihilism, that weltschmerz…I make lists! I rearrange my goals, I organize the trillion thoughts zooming around my mind, and I get a clear picture of what I want to do. And it’s like the darkness is defeated, the unbearable heaviness of being is quelled, at least momentarily.

  1. Health
    1. Cook vegan dinners
    2. Meet fitness goals
    3. Increase sustainable living
  2. Independence
    1. Apply to Master’s
    2. Budget, pay bills
    3. Move out
  3. Connection
    1. Be proactive with friends
    2. Make new friends
    3. Date more
    4. Do things alone and meet others
      1. SCUBA
      2. D&D
      3. Game nights
      4. Movies
      5. Concert
      6. Travel
  4.  Experience
    1. Plan vacations and travel
    2. Find volunteer/charity
    3. Solo hobbies
      1. ASL
      2. edX
      3. Make board game
      4. Write book
      5. Art = digital art
      6. Cosplay

1.1) I actually don’t plan on starting this until January, since I’m still doing desserts for 2k17. But the main goal of this, since I’ve now convinced myself that vegan can be healthy, hearty, and delicious, is to begin to substitute my meat dinners with vegan dinners (and hopefully, share with my parents too in order to reduce their meat intake as well). The side effect of this will be allowing me to experiment in the kitchen and have fun with recipes. Downstream, I’d hopefully be able to get the “Wow, this is vegan?! But it’s so delicious, send me the recipe!” from friends and family.

1.2) This is more or less ongoing forever, but I’d like to just get back into a routine. I also found out that a lot of PR numbers are 1 rep maxes, which I didn’t know. All my PRs are based on 3 sets x 5 reps, and maybe that’s why my numbers are so “low”!

1.3) Every time I need to buy something new, I think to myself, “what can I do to make this more sustainable, vegan, eco-friendly, zero waste?” And from there, the fun begins to find alternatives. I’ve been doing pretty well so far, and I think I’ve drastically reduced my waste and footprint. However, there are still myriad instances in daily life that I can hopefully, one day, fix. Another big thing with this is navigating the world and getting people to do the same as me without having to beat them over the head with “ideology”. I mean, the crazy thing is that it’s not even difficult…it’s just different, and this is the minor inconvenience that people will not change for. But I believe in fighting the good fight for the planet’s sake!

2.1) This is always in the back of my mind and I’ll get to this in 2018!

2.2) So I’m turning 26 soon and so it begins. The real adulting. The late 20s. I will be buying a new phone finally (hopefully), and I’m hoping my parents will let me pay my phone bill (I know, weird, right?). And then I have to get health insurance and I guess I might as well pay for my car insurance. And then I was thinking I should start paying my parents rent/utilities, just to see if I can actually afford to move out and budget and be an adult. I know, I’m so spoiled!

2.3) This is not really a priority, but as above, it’s something that I’m always thinking about. I just don’t know when will be the smartest time to do so. I was having major anxiety because my parents want to move and I don’t, but I can’t afford to live in this city, so would I move with them? Or would I just move out to my own place? Can I afford it? And then I have to think about living with other people. Either stranger or friend, it’s an inconvenience. It’s a whole thing, but I don’t know if I can live with others. But then would I just live alone? Then I’d be a complete hermit forever. But then if I do move out, I can finally get a dog and turn my home completely zero waste!

3.1) I’ve had recent epiphanies about friendships and especially relationships going into late 20s and beyond. Like it’s so hard to make friends that you connect with [deeply] or friends that are not problematic. At this age, I don’t have time or energy to put up with [new] people who don’t vibe with my values. So I want to try and foster my current relationships, but I just always feel so antisocial and, not to mention: everyone’s in a relationship these days.

3.2) But I still want to broaden my horizons and meet new people from different walks of life that can teach me new things.

3.3) And again, I guess I should date more, even though I’m so finicky…after dates, I always just want to be alone and have some me-time. Relationships are fun, but sometimes inconvenient. And this is why I’ll be single 5ever.

3.4) I want to start doing things alone as well. First, I just want to be comfortable doing non-solo activities solo. Second, it could force me to meet people and put me in situations where I’ll need to socialize. I think I’m pretty good at making friends (that INFJ chameleon act, though), it’s just whether or not I have the energy to want to try (spoiler alert: I rarely do).

4.1) Obviously, this is something that will be on my list forever. I want to always be planning something, even if I don’t have any prospects of doing it soon. It’s exciting to plan!

4.2) I made a list of the world’s problems that I would like to fix. And in no way is it comprehensive and that irks me, so it’ll be ever evolving. I’ve been wanting to volunteer, but can’t find anything meaningful for people who don’t have the experience in specific fields. And I want to do something more meaningful than say, package boxes with goodies for an event. I’m still on the search for the right charities to get involved in as well.

4.3) As always, I’ll be working on some solo hobbies. I’m most excited to start digital art once I get a drawing pad.

~ by Btab on 5 November 2017.

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