The Values 2k17

One day, I’ll write an autobiography so someone can psychoanalyze me. This will of course happen when I have solved the meaning of my life so I can start my introduction paragraph with, “If I could go back and talk to my 25 year old self, I would tell him that everything will be okay.”

But right now, in my lost, mid-twenties state of confusion, I think to myself: I am not happy. So how can we rectify this- as in, how can I match my values with my lifestyle?

What do I want out of life? I’m not sure I have a definitive answer.

Version 2.0 of my self-actualization tenets:

I think I’ve found one of the most important factors to happiness is holding on to good people that in turn, make me a better person. Connection relates to family, friends, significant others, and even strangers.
Cultivating new relationships is as important as cultivating old. And while relationships are nearly 100% emotional, it’s important to take a sober step back and contemplate whether or not your connections are providing you with a way to pursue your values…to really bring out the best in yourself. If not, it may be time to move forward.
I think the disconnect (hehe) here for me is communication, initiative, and prioritizing time. Of course, relationships are a two-way street. I can acknowledge and remove these factors from the equation: fear, misconception, resentment, egocentricity.
This will open me up to allow myself to share more, give back, and inspire others. I will speak up more as much as I can.
To all the friends I no longer speak to, to all the women that I’ve had intimate relationships with, to all the missed connections, to all the bridges I’ve burned…it’s not a failure on anyone’s part. It’s a part of the tapestry of my life, an experience from which to garner wisdom.

I say I want to be comfortable, yet I need to be challenged. So I say I want to be challenged, yet I yearn to be comfortable. Experience to me means doing novel things to treat my brain and body to what life has to offer. Whether I’m getting out of my comfort zone or staying in it, I need to be learning (read: experiencing) in order to feel fulfilled. No longer can I just be content and settled.
There are so many things to do and I must be unafraid to push myself. For a lot of my life, I’ve been catered to and have not run into hardships. So this moment, this trying time in my life- this is what teaches me, you see?
I don’t want to shy away from opportunities, things that may seem strange or risky or unknown. And I don’t want to take the routines for granted. I just want to be present in whatever I am experiencing.
Note: this is a newly added piece to my self-actualization triangle, so it’s now a square.

I am so thankful for my health, and I must remember not to take it for granted. Being healthy to me ties in physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It’s holistic; it’s life. This is probably the most important tenet on the self-actualization square because it’s all-encompassing and affects all the other tenets.
I work out, I eat healthy and mostly vegetable-based, I work on mindfulness, I seek to save the planet (as referenced in my Sustainable Journey posts). These are the little things I do every day to maintain or better the state of my health. Taking a step back to evaluate my health is important to me. It also feels like the thing I can control the most and makes me feel the best (it all feeds back into itself).

As much as I’d like to be a trophy husband or to find myself a sugar mama, I do value independence. Right now, I am not very independent. I still live at home and have all the amenities provided by my refugee parents, who want me to be independent while at the same time, nurturing me completely because they want me to have a good life.
Independence to me means having a career that will invigorate my passion, teach me every day, and provide me with some sort of stability in my future. And right now, I’m not there.
I actually don’t know how much money is needed to have a livable wage because I’m spoiled and lucky enough to never have had to worry about having enough money. Since becoming a hippie, I’ve stopped being beholden to capitalism. But as a realist, I do recognize that I would like to make a comfortable amount of money. There’s a lot of real world experience I need to acquire, all of which comes with growing up and relying on myself.
I think when the day comes when I’m set on my future (will it come?) in this aspect, I will finally be able to have my own space, pay for everything, and have enough left over to treat myself and others.

I worry too much. And I think the cause of my worries are laid bare: I have not achieved what I feel is important. But what’s key is to let go of my ego (l’eggo my ego), understand that everything is perspective, and enjoy/embrace my journey.

I think when I look at my future, it’s foggy. This, in turn, scares me, thus causing me to worry. But I think what I need to learn is that it’s okay to feel lost, it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to walk a path where you can’t see the destination…because at the end of the day, I should enjoy being alive. I mean, this is basic advice, but applying it and really believing it is a whole new level of calm I need to master.

And so it goes. My values are not my goals. I will never be fully self-actualized. You see, I will always strive to be a better person because I’ll never be the best person. Even though I feel like a “failure”, I am making everyday strides acting in accordance to my values and my integrity in order to achieve a steady state of happiness.



~ by Btab on 23 June 2017.

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