The Rivers In The Night

I can officially swim now, as if swimming was a big part of my life. Post-op Lasik recovery has been wonderful, so far. No irritating dryness, though I’m addicted to eye drops now, if that’s possible. It feels so good in my eyes! I had a follow-up the week after where I was told my vision was 20/15. I know within these next 3ish months, my vision will fluctuate, but I’m excited to be seeing so clearly.

I wake up and can see everything, like the clock. I can shower and get ready and still see at the same time. I can wear sunglasses whenever I want. I can move around like there’s nothing on my face that needs to stay in place. I don’t have to worry about dry contacts or falling asleep with anything in my eyes. It’s life-changing in small ways, and in these past couple of weeks, I’ve found so much beauty and freedom.

I went to the gym for the first time in 3 months, yet it felt as if nothing had changed. It felt familiar and comfortable, so I’m thankful for that. I’ve been so lazy, but getting back in there was a reminder of the good feeling I get from working out. I had noticed my shorts have been loose, so I think I’ve been losing weight- of course, that would happen to me. I felt tired all the time, but not in the good way you get from post-workout exhaustion. I did notice I had more time to sit around and do other things.

But I’ve been trying to find beauty in the little things, to slow down.

I’ve been slowly getting back to myself; I think I had been preoccupied, chasing something else, but realized recently that I’ve lost myself. So I’m back on this road to rediscovery (or maybe I never left and I just took a detour?). I’ve been doing things more independently. While it’s nice to have people to lean on, I forgot that I always have myself to rely on, even when all else fails. These past couple weeks/months have been a good reminder.

Sometimes I feel like people are too busy to prioritize me, especially when I try to be spontaneous. Sometimes it makes me lose faith in my friends, sometimes it makes me want to be a hermit, sometimes it makes me want to not initiate or plan hangouts. But no worries, because I’ve always found something to keep myself occupied.

I’ve been trying to get myself to be mindful of when I’m being mindless, just sitting here not doing anything substantial. I want to try and stop doing this as much as I can. When this happens, I try to find something productive to do whenever possible. Sometimes, it’s good just to relax and give my brain a break, but I don’t want it to be a default mode. It has been nice chilling at home or having small hangouts these past couple of weeks because I feel like I’ve taken so many weekend trips lately. I needed time to dial it in.

So I’ve been contemplating on and off giving up TV, or at least a majority of my shows. I’ve been playing around with the idea, as in, “can I actually do this?” I feel like I’d have a lot of free time, but then I would lose a potential fanboy bonding experience. Summer is nice because I don’t watch TV, most everything is on break. Still thinking about this; we’ll see when fall comes around.

If you didn’t know, I’ve been on a mission this summer: Pokemon Go and Chipotle (Chiptopia). Both are going well, and being addicted to a mobile game (weeks after I stopped my previous mobile game addictions) seems less life-draining because everyone else is doing it. Let me tell you, though. I’ve been going out when I normally want to stay in. I’ve talked to strangers, bonding over this game. I’ve hung out with friends and we all enjoyed the game together. I’ve gotten out and felt the need to exercise. It’s the weirdest thing how global this is. I’ve found a lot of support in my Chipotle journey and I’m grateful for that. I’m where I should be in my schedule for this month; I have 6 so far and I need 5 more this month.

I also finished my cosplay for SDCC16, and I’m excited to see what memories this year will create. I have that to look forward to this weekend. I’m also really excited for a couple planned trips, one later this year and one big one next year. I really hope they pan out, and I’m planning with my sister, so I think they will. She’s always reliable.

There seems to be so much darkness in the world, now and always. But I must endeavor not to let that hate and despair infect me or break me. This may be slightly premature, but I’m sure this is my #songofthesummer2k16. Trying to keep things mellow and positive and chill.

~ by Btab on 17 July 2016.

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