The Log #10

Tuesday 11/24/15

I actually woke up before my alarm today, but then could barely get out of bed.

Short work day again. Went to go get gas and found it really difficult to not get angry driving through a Costco parking lot and the gas station. I had to actually mentally prepare myself for the task on the way there. After that, I went to Chipotle because cravings and my food budget this month has barely been touched except mainly groceries since I haven’t been going out. Unfortunately, I’ve actually come close to maxing my monthly budget (which is rare for me) because of vet bills and also Ellie Goulding and Comic-Con tickets. Yes, I could have avoided getting those tickets, but for once in my life, I didn’t want to miss out on these things because I hesitated.

I watched TV while eating back at home and that somehow segued into a nap, which thankfully only lasted a couple of hours. It’s weird to fall asleep in daytime and then wake up to darkness. I thought it was okay to close my eyes briefly since I didn’t have much planned for the day. I had also thought it was already the holiday weekend, but I forgot I have work tomorrow. Ideally, I could have been doing something more proactive with my time.

Woke up (and subsequently felt disoriented), meditated, meal prepped, ate dinner (then lounged and digested), worked out. Spent more time lounging than I’d like because I was definitely feeling lazy today and I was shopping for Secret Santa stuff on Etsy and obviously, that site is a timesuck.

Definitely a poor time management day.

When you’re exhausted on a Tuesday, it’s not a good sign. Fun gas story: today, I had more poor time management, so I couldn’t fill up before or in between work. So then the light when on and I get mad anxiety and I found a nearby gas station (no time to go to a Costco), but the only empty slot was out of order, so then I had to drive to another one, but I was freaking out that my car was going to die, and of course, people are driving as slow as possible, and I think my anger stems from my anxiety, though I did realize it was happening, but I let it run its course, because it’s been a long week, and I really just wanted to go home, and in the end, I decided to skip the gym.

I like that this journey has allowed me to learn how to become more aware of my emotions. I also accept the days that I don’t accomplish so much, and I can in turn, realize, it’s not a failure; it’s following a different path than I intended. This again, goes back to having expectations of myself and how I react when I don’t meet them. It’s not to say I shouldn’t schedule out my day, I should just be more accepting of myself.

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~ by Btab on 10 December 2015.

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