The Log #5

Thursday 11/19/15

I got to sleep in, but I still felt tired. I’m sick of feeling tired.

Another vet appointment. The healing’s taking longer than previously estimated, but they won’t give me a time frame. But I’m not sure how long I can keep this up. It’s far, expensive, and I’m not getting paid time off for missing work. They say she’s healing, but the fact that everything is so up in the air, I just don’t know. This is stressing me out majorly and I have to consider what I need to do.

It’s been hard trying to keep it together at work when my mind is elsewhere. Or maybe it’s the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now.

I feel like I want to curl into a ball and die. But I won’t curl into a ball and die. Because I will overcome. I’m feeling stress in pretty much all aspects of my life right now, but slowly, things will get better. So I will not curl into a ball. I am a chrysalis and I will emerge stronger and better for having endured. At least, that’s the hope.

I’ve been having dark dreams lately. It’s probably all the shit I’m going through coupled with the fact that I’m reading the latest Cormoran Strike- Career of Evil.

I was able to go to the gym. I rearranged my schedule to accommodate vet visits. I sat around, eating, reading, reflecting. Then I went to work briefly. Before and after dinner, I decided to lounge around: reading and online shopping for fun items to add to my Secret Santa wish list for work. It’s always fun to look up little things that I’d want for no other purpose than it’d be fun to have. Online shopping is very relaxing for me. I spent more time reading. And I fell asleep reading on the couch and woke up in the middle of the night.

My plan was to watch some Jessica Jones and listen to Adele (which I found out isn’t streaming ugh), but I guess that’ll wait until tomorrow.

This was a darker day for me, though I was able to spin it into something positive. I think staying optimistic has helped me overall.


~ by Btab on 5 December 2015.

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