The Thoughts #6

Since I learned about it in high school, I’ve been pretty fascinated with MBTI personality types. It might also have to do with the fact that I find it eerie how accurate some of the statements are. I know it’s considered hokey and on some level, confirmation bias. And sometimes, I dislike the fact that humans are so quick to label and categorize everything. But I also feel like it helps to express how and why I feel certain ways, even if I don’t know it yet. It helps me feel that I’m not completely, utterly alone in the way I feel.

If anyone was ever curious to gain more insight into my mind, I’m definitely a hard INFJ. I think in earlier years, I flipped a couple times, but I always seemed to come back to The Counselor. And I think it’s stayed at this point for awhile. It makes sense, as I become a more mature adult, I’m more set in the way I perceive things.

Lately, I’ve been looking more into it just for fun. And it’s made me come to realization that I could verbalize: people are exceptionally, completely unique. And I know, it sounds so obvious and cliche.

But there’s more to it than that. I’ve come to the realization that, for whatever reasons that have led me up to this point in my life, collecting all my memories and experiences, I react, feel, and behave in specific ways. And everyone is like that. So I cannot expect people to see things my way and I, in turn, cannot always completely understand how or why people are the way they are.

I’ve learned a lot about the state of humanity because I’ve chosen this year to want to understand more about the world around me. And, as you may know, it’s caused me to become rather cynical about life. But then I’ve been turning it around, remaining positive despite it all, channeling my anger and frustration into better and more effective means for change. I’m still learning how to do this myself, so I know my friends and family bear the brunt of a lot of my overeager, almost child-like desires, my perhaps ineffective communication, etc.

And I thank them for being patient.

Anyway, back to the point. I like MBTI because it helps me express what I’m feeling. But I don’t want to get into the mindset of “Oh, this is just the way I am, so take it or leave it”. Rather, I’d like to think about it in these terms: “I am aware that this is how I am, here’s how I can be better”. I am always striving for personal growth, so seeing that I have a tendency to be overly emotional or that I empathize extremely well with people, it feels good to just know. When I realize that, yes, I fall too hard, care too much, expect too much, I know that it’s how I am, so once I realize it’s happening, I can step back and understand that not everyone is feeling the way I feel. I can accept myself for the way that I am, and then move forward from there, whether I realize that maybe I shouldn’t care so much or whether I realize that it’s fine to feel this way.

It explains a lot about how I feel about things. And I need to verbalize that, despite the fact that we may reach different conclusions based on our own feelings, etc., it doesn’t mean that I can’t accept others.

This year, I’ve remembered to take care of myself, better myself, and in turn, I can better my relationships. Also, this year, I’ve learned to be able to let go. Some things are worth being overly emotional about. Other things, not so much. Because road rage turns me into a mean motherfucker. But at the end of the day, I’ve learned to not let cynicism and negativity have such a strong hold over me. It’s easy to wallow in misery and feel sad, but it’s just not worth it for me.

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~ by Btab on 1 September 2015.

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