The Revelation

As a follow-up to my last post, I’d like to just say that I’ve had a beautifully enlightening four-day weekend (although it started Thursday night and kind of continued into today).

Partially, I hold the weather responsible. It’s that perfectly warm-cold weather, sometimes sunny, sometimes overcast. It’s brisk, and I can cuddle up in the blankets if I want to. But I can still walk around shirtless if I wanted to. It’s a polarity that I enjoy.

Partially, it’s about the year coming to a close and my self-reflection on how everything turned out. Of course, many things didn’t go my way, but so many things happened this year- to me, with me, for me- it’s amazing how everything can build up and you can feel proud of your accomplishments.

But mostly, I just feel awakened. Like a load has been lifted off my shoulders- this load being a strange thing that seemed to bog me down, though I can’t quite put my finger on why it has vanished. It’s all very mental, (1) in the sense of most of it occurring in my mind and how I perceive things and I can just say that I want to be this way and it so happens and (2) in the sense of the word, synonymous with crazy or ludicrous. It seems like I could’ve done this all along, after all, I’ve been telling myself to be more proactive, etc. But it kind of all hit me now.

I did some chores: cleaning helps me relax. I watched some movies. I spent long hours in bed, reading- something which I haven’t had the time to do for a long time now. I hung out with people, but mainly I spent it rather introverted (my bank account thanks me), enjoying the quiet of the house, just me and my dogs (and Taylor Swift). I don’t remember when the last time it was that I had no solid plans for the weekend, so I took advantage of it, to recharge, to spend some time thinking. And it’s been great; I didn’t realize how much I needed it. I’ve read up on a lot of those BuzzFeed, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog articles…about regrets, life, time…really living. And they really struck a cord with me (perhaps two cords, to emphasize the fact that it affected me moreso than usual). I spent a lot of time listening to some old tunes, really listening to the lyrics (OneRepublic’s I Lived comes to mind), and just sat there, basking in the power of the words. And through all this, I realized: there’s really little to be afraid of in life. It’s too short to let things bog me down.

I’ve come to this conclusion (in essence) at many points in my life. And I don’t know why, but somehow, it feels different this time. Like I’ve really let go. We’ll see how the coming months turn out, but it’s a start.

On a related note, I bought some snowboarding gear at Sports Chalet and realized how much I want to be the outdoorsy type. More snowboarding, more hiking, learning to scuba dive, more kayaking, more camping, etc. etc. It’ll be costly, but a worthwhile investment. The realization hit at a bad time, but I plan to spend the winter getting back into snowboarding…and also hibernating.

If there’s a takeaway for readers, it’s that yes, I know this is yet another long, wordy reminder to seize the day. But who knows, take some time to spend with yourself and see what happens (try not to just spend it all masturbating). You might learn some stuff about yourself, come to new revelations, and be excited to really live life.


~ by Btab on 11 November 2014.

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