The Bedridden

Well, finals week is over. I haven’t had one for a year. It’s been a year since I walked! Almost. Kind of feels weird, but it’s as if nothing has changed. I’m still in school and working toward getting into grad school.

The semester was pretty good in terms of school. It felt like high school again, long semester, straight scale grading. Except there’s the whole commuting thing, few/optional class hours, and I’ve actually learned how to study better. I spent a lot of my free hours this semester putting in time to study so I could get As. It kept me busy, gave me a goal for the past few months. Actually, I don’t remember what else I’ve been doing. Which is sad, but whatever. Volunteering, hanging out, studying, watching a lot of old cartoons. Oh, I got a job at the end of April! Can you believe it? That month was going so horribly and finally, something nice happened. It’s just a tutoring gig, but I’m actually making an income for once. It feels nice to be able to go out and not worry about being broke.

It’s been an interesting week, as I’ve never had such a stress-free finals week. I even got to hang out and relax over the weekend instead of studying the whole time. So my parents decided to start remodeling the house this week and I’ve been woken up early in the morning by loud banging noises. I’ve been confined to my room since the floors are being redone. Which I think is normal for most people. But my usual niche is in the living room, on the couch, in front of the television, right next to the kitchen. So I’ve had to study in here, which is hard because I’m laying on my bed and then I just fall asleep. I don’t know how people basically live in their room. I just want to sleep. I don’t see anyone. It’s so far from the kitchen. I get really lazy and just lay around and do nothing. It’s very strange because I have things to do. At least I get to see my beautiful room in the day time. We’ve also been eating a lot of fast food because my parents are busy with the house. I feel bloated with grease. True to “finals week” form, I really let myself go. And not even because I was studying the whole time. Perhaps I was so used to doing nothing when there’s tests. Excuses excuses, right? I don’t know how long this is gonna go on because I’m still confined to my room.

This week ended pretty abruptly and now I don’t really know what to do. Not sure if I’ll get into classes this summer, not sure what I’ll be doing. It scares me. I’ve had a lot of anxiety attacks in the past few months, just thinking about the future and I start panicking and I can’t breathe. And then I calm myself down, which I’ve been getting better at. Still feels like nothing’s going my way, but I’m gonna occupy my mind with happy thoughts like all of my friends graduating soon! So exciting!

~ by Btab on 24 May 2013.

One Response to “The Bedridden”

  1. you are still alive! 😀

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