The Fighting Snakes

Happy lunar new year, everyone (belated)! It’s a holiday that marks the end of the holiday season…wah.

Shout out to my sister, who is year of the Snake, fortune be upon ye.

Today, I pigged out on really good food, so I’m pretty satisfied. Banh it, banh chung, cha gio, com chien lap xuong (holy gods, some of my favorite Vietnamese foods), my dad’s bomb ribs. I love letting myself go during holidays, eating seconds, thirds, fourths, etc. and just eating throughout the day. Always good.

Also, I played intense bau cua tom ca, crazy Vietnamese Tet gambling game with the little cousins. I was actually on a roll, making predictions and stuff…all of mine came true. I should go play with the old Vietnamese men out in the streets in Westminster. Children and their love for money, sheesh, so wild. We also played the game of Life, the tabletop game except it was on an iPad, and I won! This must be a sign that I will be successful, right? Well, I became a doctor out of college, lost my job, but then became an “entertainer” (read: stripper), where I actually became a millionaire. Pretty cool stuff.

The next time I’ll see family might not be for a while, but I always appreciate these things, so much more so now as an adult. For instance, I used to only look forward to the red envelopes, but now that that’s really a non-factor, it’s nice just to bask in the presence of family and see things with a more reflective eye. These kids are growing up so fast. And people get older. And who knows where we’ll all be just a little down the line?

It does suck having class Monday mornings, though. Always so dreaded.

Which brings me to my life now, since my last post. A lot of things have been going on with me (finally), actually. So I’ve been pretty busy with stuff. Sometimes, I think it’s a good thing and then sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed. Like this giant boulder is going to crush me and I’ll die under the pressure. But for the most part, it feels good to have something to do besides wait around for once.

I got into three classes, but I decided to drop one. I realized I still have a lot of requirements for grad school, but I’m slowly getting there. And it’s all still a lot cheaper than UCI, which is great. I just feel like a lonely commuter again, but this time, I’m only at school for the grade. Nothing else matters.

So I got into anatomy lab, which is going to be interesting because my section is the only one that gets to do human cadaver dissections (as opposed to cat). And on top of that, I volunteered to be part of the group that gets to pre-dissect everything for the lab (because there’s not enough time to let everyone dissect). I went into class this past Friday and my professor wheeled out a female cadaver (he refers to the bodies as “it”, which was weird to me) and I didn’t know what to expect, but I can tell you I was surprised, though I was trying to hold it in and be professional. It was interesting because she just looked super mummified and dried out and kind of plastic. Like you couldn’t even tell the body was a human. Interesting stuff. I’m really excited that I actually got in and that I will be getting to learn new things. I’m also taking Medical Terminology and wow, I’ve already learned a lot just from studying on my own (the actual lecture seems rather useless though interesting).

And can I just say: I love all my teachers. Like damn, they seem to actually care or they at least seem real. And I know it’s hard at UCI or big colleges/UCs because there’s so many students and teachers just don’t have the time. I get it. But my teachers at community college…I get the vibe that they’re teaching to teach. My anatomy lecture professor is super sassy and he has such attitude. What a riot. But he makes the subject pretty interesting with all his little stories. My anatomy lab professor is a nice old man who gets really excited about being an anatomist. Both were super friendly when I contacted to add the class and my lab professor even went out of his way to make sure I got all the required materials and such. My med term teacher is a bundle of energy. She was a nurse for many years at many places and knows a lot of shit. She’s so funny, too, cracking jokes more than actually teaching lol. She says relaxing is the most important thing. I have so much respect for all of them after just one week. Makes me motivated to learn and be something. I unfortunately can’t say that about all my professors at UCI (except maybe my freshman writing teacher, because I loved that class (though that may be because I just wrote essays on Batman all quarter)). That’s not to say I don’t value my UC education and degree, nor is it to say I didn’t enjoy a lot of my classes. But there just seems to be a marked difference in the vibe.

Now all I have to do is find a group I can study with and then we can sit around and do weird things and not study and build forts and have paintball, instead. Yes…

It has been ~5 months since graduation (though I just finally got my diploma a few weeks ago (last wake up call, really)) and although I feel like I physically have done nothing, I actually really needed those months to unwind and figure out…me. Even though it may seem long. It actually passed by rather quickly and it’s hard to really explain, but I feel like I did a lot of growing up in that time. A lot of time for me and self-reflection and independence and moving on with things. If you’re reading this and feel like you’re a failure or just feeling down or something, just know that you should take some time off and it’s okay to not always be doing something and everyone moves at a different pace.

I was in a really dark place sometimes, but I never let it get to me. My big resolution was to stop focusing on the negative or being hypercritical about myself. Every time I found myself thinking or regretting or just mulling when I’m about to go to sleep, I change my thoughts and think about something else. It’s helped with the stress and stuff. And I’m learning to just let things go. Not read too much into things. Forgive and forget.

This week, I start orientation at the hospital to start my volunteer work in the surgical intensive care unit (SICU), which is not as cool as it sounds, but I’m still excited for the opportunity to be in a hospital setting. I’m still looking for work. And I still have a lot to get done, but it’s nice to have obligations again. And it’s nice to actually fall asleep while reading because I’m so tired. I’m taking chances and opportunities and trying not to shy away from things. So far, from the Roman New Year to the Lunar New Year, I feel like I’ve made a lot of mental/attitude progress, so I’m happy about that. I just got to keep on trekking.

Anyway, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Hopefully, no one’s reading this far down into the post because I just wanted to rant (this blog is so cathartic, I’m so glad I started it, shoutout to me) for a minute about something personal that I usually don’t go into detail about because (1) it sounds whiny, (2) I think these affairs are personal, and (3) I usually don’t tell anyone about the girls I date because honestly, they’re not important until they’re important enough for me to talk about them. The gist is this: a girl I was kind of seeing decided she didn’t want to see me anymore due to me not giving her the proper amount of attention (yeah okay not the end of the world because whatever she wasn’t doing it for me anyway), which is totally understandable because I probably wasn’t paying too much attention to her in the past months-ish (Is it sad that I never feel distraught over these things?). I was focusing on me and my future, woman! But here’s the thing. I would like to know how people maintain such long relationships when they’re so busy trying to grow up and learn about themselves, and this goes for lovers AND friends. Like I just don’t have time to think about other people right now. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Is that selfish? How can people do it? Do “we accept the love we think we deserve”? I do still feel immature, which is a reason why I’ve never had a longterm relationship, but will I ever get there? It’s kind of scary to think about how quickly time can go by and what if I never have a ~serious relationship and I just date and she’s never good enough. I’m not going to just plant my seed anywhere, people! LOL. Dramatic. And lately, I’ve just been trying to will myself to focus solely on myself, but I feel like I need to learn to multitask and balance things. I realized that I’ve never really learned to multitask. I just ignore things and am able not to procrastinate merely because I put my attention on the major things. I have so much to do with school, volunteering, work, studying for the GRE, grad school stuff, grad school stuff grad school stuff etc. etc. the list goes on forever. Who has time to cultivate relationships? Not this guy. And that kind of scares me. Regardless, I’m trying to be less cynical/idealistic about love/marriage. I told you I had a lot of time to think about myself…

A note to end on:

Fortune cookies! I pigged out on two.

It is better not to speak of things you do not understand.

Magnanimity will bring you universal respect.

The first one, yes. In a way. I never do talk much on things I don’t understand. But at the same time, it may be great to talk more about it, learn about it from other people, and get comfortable with talking about it. Don’t you think?

The second one, awesome! As you’ve previously read, I am trying to be more magnanimous in every day life. If my mind and soul are happy, then that’s all that matters.

PS I’m trying to cry more because apparently tears are good to clear up acne (because they’re naturally designed to rid the eyes of bad things). Shoutout to emotions! Experimentation, ho!

~ by Btab on 11 February 2013.

2 Responses to “The Fighting Snakes”

  1. Hey man! What do you want to go to grad school for?? Also why do you need more classes if you just finished school? big change of a major I assume… Als, volunteering for fun/good or help figure out your search for a job? Just curious, and good luck!

    • I’m planning on going to Physician Assistant (PA) school, which actually requires some other prereqs that weren’t offered at my school/major (because I did Public Health instead of straight Biology). And volunteering is in the hospital, so it’s for…THE GREATER GOOD! LOL, also I think it’ll be fun. Basically, also a prereq for grad school. And thank you! c:

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