The First School Day of the Year

It’s funny how the first day back at school already brings so much stress. It is sometimes hard for me to focus on the now, as I’m always planning ahead for any complications. This causes me to be so stressed out. Everything’s pretty much hitting me so quickly. I guess I let myself forget everything over break…

I finally checked my grades today from last quarter. They were good, but my GPA barely went up. And I had a panic attack because by the time I graduate, my GPA won’t be competitive at all. I’m so worried. And no, I’m not going to stay at UCI for another year taking “easy” classes to boost my GPA, because in the end: it won’t do much and it’s a waste of time and money. People who want to boost their GPA by staying and taking random classes are stupid because for grad school, overall GPA doesn’t matter as much as major-related GPA. My science GPA sucks. I should have tried harder. I have also been conflicted with taking the easier classes and teachers over taking classes that I want to take even though they are challenging. My GPA suffered and will suffer, which sucks. But I’m not in college to take useless classes just because they’re an easy A. It’s an internal conflict that has external repercussions.

In addition, I applied to change my major finally. I’ve been working at this for a good year now, I think. Inception seems like so long ago. Hopefully this all works out. Once it’s official, I can apply for graduation. And then I have to talk to a counselor to make sure everything is on track.

I had one class today. And it’s probably going to be my hardest class this quarter (or ever?). It’s already stressing me out and I have so many tests this quarter in all my classes, and everything overlaps and I’m going to die. And then I have to worry about getting textbooks…get older editions for cheaper? Order online and wait for it to get here? I already have so much reading and I will be behind for a couple of weeks. Tests start in a couple of weeks. Shit. I’ve been planning out my weekly schedules so I can make sure I’m on track and routinize everything so I can get used to this schedule.

And I have to apply to jobs still to get a job this quarter. Don’t even get me started on this.

I’m graduating soon (hopefully). There’s a lot of stuff I still want to do while I’m still around. I hope I have time to fit in all this stuff and stop to smell these hypothetical roses before it’s too late. I don’t want my youth to pass me by. On that note, I feel like taking more than one year off before I go to grad school. I think that’s what I want to do, because I shouldn’t rush things. On top of that, I’m graduating soon and there’s so much I need to do before going to grad school. I don’t know how my parents will feel about this.

I’m so fucking stressed out with all this stuff running through my mind. It’s too late to redo all this stuff, so I got to look forward and hope for the best MAKE IT ALL HAPPEN. I think it’s time to get that inspirational tattoo I’ve wanted.

Just a little bit of problems to start the quarter. Sigh.

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~ by Btab on 9 January 2012.

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